Tag: self-help

Review: 12 Rules For Life

Published on by Eve CrabappleLeave a comment

I just finished reading this incredible book and here are my thoughts.

The rules of this book are at the same time thought provoking, revealing and yet vaguely familiar. Almost as if these rules are truths that I have come to know through some combination of life experience, common sense, and my own observations of others but had not seen them all put into language in one place. Peterson uses examples from his life, his clients from his sessions as a clinical psychologist, literature, the Bible, history, and science to make his points. If you have ever heard him speak during an interview or a lecture, the text reads like he talks: precise, rhythmically logical, defiantly and uncompromisingly true. In a time when political correctness and spin stifle any opinion that makes us to face the uncomfortable and inconvenient questions, it is a daring but necessary act for this book to have been written. 

My personal favorite rule is rule number 10 which is “be precise in your speech”. As an avid student of languages I understand the importance that articulating an idea into words is. To formulate an idea into speech is to bring it to existence. It takes an unknowable and terrifyingly limitless monster and shrinks it into a manageable and approachable problem. Putting into language what is bothering you is the first step to tackling it because then you know what you are up against and can prepare yourself accordingly. Ignore a problem and refuse to acknowledge it in precise terms and you lack the ability to know what focus and direction needs to be taken to handle it. That is why journaling or talking things through with another person is so helpful to understanding what course of action to take. It is the act of identifying a problem enough to be able to articulate its being that is so crucial to being able to solve it.

To say that I recommend this book would be an understatement. It has given me much to consider when I look at my life and I have some ideas on where to start to improve myself. One area that rule number 10 applies is my relationships. I have known for the longest time that I am a people pleaser and attempt to avoid uncomfortable conversations (however necessary) at all costs and if I do bring up an issue I feel as if I do a poor job of articulating it effectively to even have been worth bringing up it at all. But, I want to change that immediately after reading this book because the alternative is more dangerous and tragic in the long term. If you read the book, what rule spoke to you the most and how do you see yourself implementing it in your life?

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3 Ways Elegant Women Remain Collected

Published on by Eve CrabappleLeave a comment

We all want to feel more in control when things go awry. I’ve never met anyone who enjoyed feeling nervous and helpless and I’ve also met some women who seem to defy all characteristics of normal human reactions when it hits the fan. It made me wonder what this quality was and if I could learn it too. After some study of their behavior, I realized that this quality was “elegance”.

Now, elegance is not snobbery and high tea with lace fans and finger sandwiches.

Elegance is a state of mind and therefore anyone can be elegant — strands of pearls and diamond rings are not compulsory. What elegant women share in common is their mind. They are focused, clear, and decisive in their thoughts which leaves very little room for them to feel “off”, worried or hysterical. After much study, I’ve reduced their behavior down to these three ways to that use to stay calm, cool and collected.

1. They know their priorities

If you ask most women what is important in their lives, you’ll be inundated with an avalanche of things which is no wonder most women feel like their running on steam much of time.

Elegant women are not super-human. They have the same amount of time and energy as anyone else, but they know where to focus it and not give it away to unimportant people and things.

To feel in control, you need to be able to constantly decide what is truly, deeply important to you and be at peace with your decisions. There is this phenomenon called “FOMO” today. That stands for the “fear of missing out” and that has no place in an elegant woman’s life. If you find yourself at the mercy of FOMO and afraid to cut off things and people, just remember that if everything is important to you, then nothing really is.

2. They abhor drama

In a world where vulgar, outrageous personalities are gossiped about, emulated and celebrated, elegant women take a step away from these people and prefer to acquaint themselves with those who uplift and inspire others to our highest ideals. Choose the high road all the time and soon you’ll find yourself among others who have done the same.

There’s also the drama that women create within themselves by giving away their feelings self-worth to other people. How many women do you know always think about what someone else is thinking about them and base their decisions on what someone else thinks? These women torture themselves which shows up as social anxiety by trying to know the unknowable — and frankly, the not worth knowing. Elegant women are truly confident in themselves, not confident in what others think of them. There’s a distinction there that makes all the difference.

Lastly, an elegant woman does not create negative thoughts in less than ideal situations. She understands that things will happen that are beyond her control and all she can do is remain level-headed and make the best decision with the knowledge she has. These last couple of weeks have not been the best: my husband got in a car accident (thankfully he’s fine even though the car is totaled!), my car has some sort of electrical issue that even the car shop can’t figure out so that car can’t be driven until they bring in an electrician, my husband’s job interview did not go as he wanted and they chose another candidate, and due to all of the car issues there are going to be some hefty, unexpected bills coming our way soon. With all of these events, it is very tempting to succumb to the stress and anxiety and begin to weave negative thoughts into my days, but an elegant women sees the facts for what they are.

Have these last two weeks been an anomaly? Yes.

Does that mean my life is falling apart and that nothing good will ever happen to me ever again? No.

Can I handle this with grace and not let it affect my overall happiness? Yes.

Life happens and there’s nothing that can stop that. Sometimes what seems like a bad thing can actually end up being good for you. It was time for a car upgrade anyway.

3. They are disciplined and intentional

Like I mentioned before, elegance is a state of mind and the mind is an incredible thing. It takes a lot of discipline to control your thoughts and actions, most people just let the first feeling that comes into their brain decide their actions. An elegant woman knows that life is just a series of decisions between what is right and what is easy.

On the same line, if something is important then you have to truly intend to do it. An elegant women does this by putting it down in a calendar. This can come in many different varieties and can be electronic or old-fashioned pen to paper (my preference). For example, if you decide that writing that novel is truly important to you (this is key) then you will write in your calendar the steps required to accomplish that:

  1. Write the novel
  2. Research the best publisher for you
  3. Find an illustrator

All that’s left to do is to tap into your discipline to believe in yourself and do those steps.

Of course, elegant women have their days when they feel stressed out, get angry, make some drama and commit themselves to something that they don’t truly feel is important to them. No one is perfect. But they don’t stay in that space for long, certainly not long enough to ever make a real impact on their lives, but if you are ever feeling that like, just remember these 3 methods and get back to being and living your fabulous elegant self.

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Book Review: “I Dare You” by William H. Danforth

Published on by Eve CrabappleLeave a comment

It is a rare and beautiful thing to read a book and know that your life will never be the same after having read it. Your mind becomes alert to new truths that you’ve always known but now have seen them articulated in writing and understood.

You can never forget this book. You will either apply its instructions and see your life change in unimaginable ways or you will not and live with the regret to know that if you had summed up the courage and energy, your life could be very different.

This is really powerful stuff, if properly wielded.

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I found this book in a thrift store for $3.99. It was a hardcover book, a little dirty, in the business section. I know you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but it said, “I Dare You!”, and I just can’t back away from a dare. And I’m eternally grateful that I dared. It’s a short read; I finished it in a day since it dared me to (ha!) but this is a book that I’ll need to keep by my bedside and refer to until I’ve internalized its lessons.

I don’t know if this is a popular book. I haven’t heard it talked or written about, so I’m going to guess that it isn’t. But that makes its teachings all the more valid to me. I’m so fed up with those feel-good self-help books that make it seem like all you need is “positive thinking” and “visualization” to “manifest” the life of your dreams. I know that those techniques can help, but there is a heck of a lot of old-fashioned hard work and hustle that goes into living the life you want as well, which is conveniently omitted from these books. I guess it makes sense to leave that important part out — you probably won’t sell as many books if you tell it like it really is because who wants to hear that you need to continually learn, demolish your comfort zones, be stronger, faster and smarter than the average person to live an extraordinary life? No one. At least no one who isn’t serious about making some really big shifts in their life.

This is where this book differs. It gives you the concrete four-fold development program (physical, mental, social and spiritual) that will need to be applied each and everyday to be one of the 4% or 1% who actually go on to succeed with their “magnificent obsession”. You won’t know what I’m talking about unless you read this book and I’m not going to be able to better articulate it than Mr. Danforth. This book is for you if you want a method for getting the most out of life and you want a real, solid plan in place to accomplish that. Granted, some of the information in the book is dated (it was published in 1978) but the program allows for personalization so that it can be adapted for any era. So read it — I Dare You!!

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