Eve Crabapple

Storytime: You Can’t Buy Manners

Published on September 20, 2016January 1, 2017 by Eve CrabappleLeave a comment

I’ve always been interested in all things etiquette and manners because I think its becoming a lost art in our world. I don’t consider myself a snob about it and I understand that a lot of people don’t find it important enough to understand the value of a handwritten thank you note, know which direction to pass the bread, or if its appropriate to use your cell phone at the table. I also understand that what is considered to be socially acceptable behavior changes through time, but there is something about a person who knows how to behave with tact and confidence that makes everyone around them feel more comfortable and welcome. In the end, that is what the purposes of manners are: to make each person in the group feel involved and comfortable with each other.

The reason I am writing about this today is because yesterday I was witness to some very bad manners by some very affluent and (what some people would consider) cultured people. The event was a birthday party for my 1 year old nephew and there were about 20 people including me and my husband at the party. Most of the people that were invited were the parents, grandparents and extended family of the birthday boy, and it was among that group that the offending members could be found. The venue was at a local restaurant chain — a completely acceptable, family-style place, so please don’t think that I’m going to drag them over the coals about not knowing which fork was the salad fork.

Let’s just get into what happened. This was the first time I had brought my husband to an event with me and my sister’s in-laws. They had asked for me to bring him to parties and other gatherings before, but the timing was never quite right so it just didn’t happen. So since this party was a good time for us to both go together, some weeks before this party, I RSVP’d my sister who was organizing it and said that I would be coming and asked if it would be alright if I brought my husband since the invitation said I could bring a guest. She said “of course” and so he came.

We arrive at the party and my brother-in-law greets us and introduces my husband to everyone there. We all sit down to chat with each other and wait for the food to arrive. Part of being a good host means making everyone feel welcome by conversing with those who are seated next to you. My husband was sitting next to me and my sister’s parents-in-law. My husband and the father-in-law make eye contact and my husband nods his head with a “Hello” to him. The father-in-law looks away without a word. Now, I know that the father-in-law is reserved person, but no matter if this may be the case, it is good manners to return a greeting. Being a CEO, one would think that the father-in-law would possess basic table conversation etiquette and at first I thought that perhaps he wasn’t paying attention and didn’t notice, but as the party went on I knew that this wasn’t the case if his family members’ manners were any indication.

I was chatting with the mother-in-law and she’s asking me about work, life and normal things and then asks “So, when are you guys having kids?“. My husband and I don’t have kids and don’t plan on having any anytime soon, so I answer, “We don’t want any.” She goes on to talk about why she’s glad that she had 3 kids and that she was glad to not have been an only child growing up and all of the joy that comes from having a large family. I can understand if someone very close to me, like my mother or sister, asks me this question, but this is considered to be a rude question in most circumstances. Some people want children, but can’t have them, so there’s no reason to offend or inadvertently hurt someone for that fact.

Towards the end of the party, the restaurant brings out a small cake for my nephew to eat and we all sing “happy birthday” to him. After the song, the mother in law and father in law place the cake in front of him to let him have at it. He’s a one year old so at this point in his life I loves touching everything and putting everything in his mouth. So it’s not his fault that he literally smashed cake onto the carpet and sprayed and smeared frosting onto the table, all over himself, his shirt, high-chair and the clothing of those around him. A couple minutes of this would have been enough, but I was horrified to see the mother and father-in-law egging him on until he, the floor and table were covered in cake. I know that people like to let the child smear frosting on themselves for a photo op, but it’s another thing to let the child create a sticky, sugary mess on the restaurant floor and elsewhere as other diners look on at the ruckus. After the pictures were taken, the cake was demolished and the child was taken by his parents to be cleaned, I was feeling bad for the waitress who would have to clean up after the child, so I grabbed some baby wipes and started cleaning up the table and high-chair. Seeing me do this, the mother in law says to me with a look on her face, “Oh honey, don’t do that. Trust me, we are leaving a very good tip for her.” Throwing around your money is no replacement for having good manners and treating others with respect.

When someone has good manners, it elevates all of their good qualities and forgives their bad qualities. When someone has bad manners, it sullies all of their good qualities and emphasizes their bad qualities. This party confirmed those statements for me and made me more conscious of how I treat others despite their privilege or lack thereof. Manners are not inherited and you cannot buy them as we can see from the story above. They are learned, practiced and honed in order to make others around us feel comfortable with us and make the world a more civilized and harmonious place.

My Top 5 Tips to Save Money

Published on September 16, 2016January 1, 2017 by Eve CrabappleLeave a comment

Today I’m delving into a subject that is very different from the normal posts I write about, but its a topic that is very familiar to me because I actually work in private banking as my day job. My dream is to write full-time one day, but in the meantime I’m satisfied with the impact I make on my clients lives as well as the amount of financial experience I gain while working in the banking industry.

So today I wanted to share my top 5 tips for saving money that are the simplest and easiest to for you to incorporate into your life right now.

Pay all of your bills as soon as you receive them

No one needs the drama and stress of getting late payment fees and a ding on their credit report. The simplest way to avoid this is to pay your bills as soon as you receive the bill in the mail. This way, the funds are out of your account immediately so that you can’t spend it, or if you prefer paying all of your bill with a credit card to rack up rewards (like me) you will see the charge immediately on your card so you can adjust your budget for the rest of the month.

2. Set up automatic payments for your bills

This is a way to make tip number one completely fool proof. Most billers will allow you to pay your bills automatically and this gives you one less thing to remember so that you can put your focus and energy for more important things — like writing!

3. Set up automatic transfers to a savings account

You notice a pattern yet? Yes, when possible automate your banking. You can set up automatic transfers to your savings account and decide how much and when these transfers should happen. You can also have your paycheck be split between your checking and savings account as well instead of once it reaches your account, if that is what you prefer. Personally, I have a portion of my paycheck deposited into a savings account at a small, local bank and not the one that I have my main accounts at. I only have a saving account there and no ATM card or online banking so that I am not tempted to use any of it because it would be too much of an inconvenience. There are very few branches for me to visit, so the only way I can find out how much is there is the old fashioned way — calling on the phone. I don’t call often since I can’t be bothered, but when I do I am pleasantly surprised!

4. Avoid credit cards — if they are not right for you!

I use a travel rewards credit card for everything — bills, groceries, gas, purchases — and I’ve racked up a ton of points on it so that I can travel for free when I want. However, I also pay it off completely every single month and have never paid a cent of interest on it. If you have a the discipline to stick to a budget, then using your credit card for purchases is an awesome way to get some real benefits as well as boost your credit score. But, if you’ve found it difficult to pay off the balance each month or are currently in credit card debt — avoid them. Credit cards have the highest interest rate of any credit product so they are notoriously difficult to dig yourself out of should you fall in.

5. Create a realistic budget and check on it often

No matter how much you make, you have a budget. Budgets are for everyone. I don’t care if you work a minimum wage job or are an ER surgeon, if you don’t know how to manage your money, you will eventually find yourself living paycheck to paycheck or living in debt — trust me, I’ve seen it. Anyone who has an interest in living in financial stability and prosperity will follow a budget. It’s all about creating cash flow and savings and this requires your frequent attention. This means you need to check your account often and know if any adjustments need to be made. Try to limit how much your lifestyle expands as you inevitably earn more and save more throughout your life. If your paycheck is $4000 a month and currently save $500 a month and you get a raise and now earn $5000 a month, set up an automatic transfer to save that extra $1500 a month. The numbers are inflated, but you can see how you can use your raise to save faster and do more intelligent things with your money than giving it Nordstrom’s or Best Buy.

These 5 tips are easy and simple, which is what saving needs to be in order for it to get done. We all have enough to deal with in our lives and your personal finances should be as simple as possible to leave space for deepening and discovering your real passions. Money is not the answer to everything, but life is better with it than without it.

Reflections: Eid Al-Adha 2016

Published on September 13, 2016October 2, 2016 by Eve Crabapple1 Comment

Eid al-adha has begun and will last until Thursday. The most holy of our two holidays in which we remember one of the main trials of Ibrahim’s life — to obey Allah by the sacrifice of his son, Ismail.

Every year this holiday comes and every year I find it very difficult to relate to that level of iman. It’s too incredible for my little brain. The fact is that I just don’t hear about things like that happening nowadays.

If you take a moment and really imagine the story of Ibrahim’s sacrifice as more than just a story you read about, but as what it is — a real historical event — you’ll know what I mean.

What if you heard about an incident with a neighbor who was a good man. A man who was very pious and God-fearing and you hear about what happened with his son who was also very pious and good. You hear that one day he had a dream in which God told him to sacrifice his son to show his faith. Right when he’s about to slit his son’s throat, at the eleventh hour, a miracle happens and he sees that his son has been replaced by a dead ram and that his son is unharmed.

It’s different when you hear it like that, isn’t it? That kind of faith doesn’t exist in everyone or everywhere. I wish I could say that I would do the same if I was in his position. But honestly, I most likely won’t. I don’t know anyone who would either. But that’s why we remember it every year since about 1700 BC.

It was an incredible leap of faith that continues to baffle, awe, and inspire generations of people. It never gets old and it never gets topped.

It makes me look at all of the things I’ve wanted to improve in myself in order to get closer to Allah. One of the most difficult and enduring of which is to memorize the Qur’an. Ever since I converted I’ve had the thought of memorizing this great book gnawing at my brain. Is it the voice of God telling me to do it? I’m guessing not. Most likely it’s just my habit of setting high expectations for myself that is making me want to do this, but still, maybe those thoughts that challenge us to improve and test our strength are the ones we need to listen to.

Just like Ibrahim who listened to a dream he had, maybe we need to listen to our dreams and have some faith in God for everything to work out for us.

5 Self-Care Tips for Fall

Published on September 10, 2016October 2, 2016 by Eve CrabappleLeave a comment

Hello Ladies,

Fall is upon us! I can’t express how excited I am for fall this year. There have been a lot of great changes that happened in summer that I will be able to finally settle into and I can’t think of a more perfect season to be experiencing right now than fall. It was uncharacteristically hot this summer for Seattle and I do not do well in hot weather! That coupled with a lot of traveling and moving has left me in an exhausted daze which is why it is an absolute necessity that I give myself some TLC as the temperature starts to cool down into my favorite season.
One of the top things I hear women talk about is wanting more self-care. The next comment that inevitably follows is that they are too busy and don’t have the time or the money. I’ve definitely fallen into this type of thinking before, but it doesn’t last too long because I know that this is not just a want, but a need for me and no matter what you tell yourselves, I know you need it too!
When we don’t take care of ourselves, not only do we feel it, but our family, friends and colleagues feel it too. I know that I am better at home, work, and life when I give myself time to honor and love myself.
On that note, here are my 5 self-care tips that will leave you feeling energized, relaxed and ready to live your beautiful life!

1. Schedule a ‘Self-Care Sunday’

Sundays are my days that I dedicate to self-care. This does not mean that I neglect myself the rest of the week, but setting aside one day helps me to schedule it and not let other things get in the way. I like to schedule a massage and something fun like shopping to treat myself.

2. Move in the morning

Even before I leave the bed I love to stretch my body for 3-5 minutes and wake up my muscles. Now that the weather is getting cold, our bodies may need an extra nudge to wake us up from those last layers of sleep and stretching is such a simple and easy way to give ourselves that extra boost.

3. Lay in the sun

Yes, even in fall and winter our bodies need sunlight! Just because it isn’t beach weather doesn’t mean that you can’t benefit from the laying down in the sunshine. I lay down on my deck in the mid-afternoon for a few minutes to feel healthier, lower depression and maybe even slip into a cat nap!

4. Bring out the nail polish

Now is the perfect time to enjoy your warm brown and deep red nail polishes. The process of cleaning and painting my nails leaves me feeling so chic and put together. Whenever I see a woman with clean and polished nails, I see a woman who takes time to honor and care for herself, so take 20 minutes and do the same for yourself!

5. Candlelight dinner at home

I’ve already written about my ritual of preparing a candlelight dinner, but I encourage you to try it for yourself as well. Take time to think of something delicious to prepare, enjoy shopping for the ingredients and finally cook up a gorgeous meal to share (or not!) by candlelight. I guarantee you’ll feel so pampered and relaxed that you won’t want to dine any other way!
I encourage you to choose one or two of these and include these in your week. You don’t have to do all of them or even any of them! Maybe you don’t care about your nails but you like sleeping in and staying in bed. Self-care is not a chore or assignment and is going to be something different for all of us. The important thing to know is that when we take care of ourselves, we bring out the best version of ourselves to us and others – and that’s worth taking time for. What does self-care mean for you?

Candlelight Dinner for One? Yes, please.

Published on September 4, 2016October 2, 2016 by Eve CrabappleLeave a comment

I eat dinner alone most of the time.

Not because I’m single or friendless, but because while my husband is content with chowing down in front of the T.V. while nestling on the couch, I absolutely insist on eating dinner at a table that is fully set with plates, silverware, cloth napkins and candlelight.

I can understand that most people, including my husband, might find this ritual out-dated, unnecessary and tiresome. After all, after a long day’s work in this society’s hustle and bustle, what can be more comfortable and relaxing than eating some food and zoning out in front of a screen? The promise of a comfy and cozy body and stomach and easy entertainment can be too much for some people to give up.

I have my grandmother to thank for my peculiar dinner habits. She was Austrian. By that I mean that she was born in Austria and came through Ellis Island with her mother and younger sister on a boat that left from Germany. I spent a lot of time with her during my formative years and I remember her as being one of the most elegant and sophisticated women I ever had the privilege of knowing. She had such class and a sense of decorum about everything that she did and she is the reason why I dine the way I do. Without fail, for every meal she would have me help her set the table while she put the finishing touches on a delicious and nutritious meal. This included all of silverware (all of it!), cloth napkins, place mats, dishes and flowers for breakfast and lunch but a candle for dinner.

When I was a young child and helping her with this, it seemed like such a chore. Now that I am older and she is no longer with us, I remember her whenever I complete my evening ritual. I find that I also eat better and slower than my husband and I don’t think this is a coincidence. I know that there a many people that promote this “slow food” lifestyle, and I’m glad to have been exposed to it from a young age by my grandmother.

It is truly amazing how the simple and shared act of preparing a dinner table can have such lifelong effects on someone. I hope that one day if I have any children, that they’ll take after me and learn to acquire this ritual.

What rituals do you have that are important to you?