Getting Clean: Be Honest About Your Motivations

Published on by Eve CrabappleLeave a comment

Let’s be honest.

I’d wager that more often than you think, the interactions you have with people in your life have a secret agenda behind them. Without us really being conscious of them, we make decisions based on motivations that are impure.

So what’s the big deal?

Keeping secrets has actually been proven to be harmful to our brain. Neuroscientists believe that it is better for us to either confess our secrets or not participate in keeping them at all. The reason for this involves a lot of complicated medical terminology but basically, it stresses your brain out. It puts your brain in a limbo because a part of the brain that is in charge of our emotional responses is also wired to tell the truth. Whenever you become privy to something secret, this part of the brain starts telling all the other parts of the brain to tell it and get it out so that it can do more important things like learning. When you don’t tell the secret and keep it locked in because you don’t want to hurt someone you prevent this part of the brain from working regularly and it becomes stressed. This can lead to some pretty unpleasant effects such as a low immune system, high blood pressure, memory loss, increase in the stress hormone coritsol and gastrointestinal and metabolic issues.

With that said, let’s get clean by following the steps below:

Step One

Pick something coming up in your schedule that you’ve committed to doing. Maybe you don’t have anything planned for this weekend, but you have to go to work on Monday morning. That’s fine — any commitment will do.

Step Two

Keeping this commitment in your mind, think about why you are doing it. I want you to ignore that first reason that pops up in your head — “because I have to” — and really go deep with this. Maybe you go to work because you need the money, because you want the recognition from your boss, but its mostly because you want the approval of your family. Who knows? Only you do, so think hard and find the reason that feels the most true.

Step Three

Now that you have the real motivation, think about what you let others think about why you are doing what you are doing. Using the example for going to work, if the real motivation is the paycheck, you may make your boss think that you love working for him or the company or it’s such a great opportunity to learn and grow and blah blah blah. If there is a disconnect between the reason in step two and this step, then you’re keeping a secret.

Step Four

Now that you have found a hidden disconnect — a secret — in your life, it won’t do to just sweep it under the rug. You’ve only just begun to clean up your motivations so to keep on going you have to be truthful to yourself. You can tell your boss that you love your job, but remember that you’re here for the paycheck. You can tell your friend that “No, that dress doesn’t make you look fat, but perhaps this dress will accentuate your body better”, but understand the reasons why you tell her that — because you value her friendship and companionship more than your opinions on her wardrobe choices.

Once you continue following the steps above as often as you can in your life, you will more easily live your truth and begin to attract people and interactions that bring out your pure motivations instead of people and situations that make you perpetuate a web of deception. In fact, this is the reason why therapy, whether it’s journaling or speaking with a professional doctor, is so helpful. By staying attuned to the real motivations in your own interactions,  you can quickly identify the motivations of others and their hidden agendas and intelligently make decisions to avoid involving yourself in situations that may compromise your truth. You’ll start to feel freer and lighter as you unravel the web of manipulation that tangled your brain and you’ll be able to use that boost of energy to focus on living your life the way you truly love surrounded with people who truly love you.

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End of the Year Minimalism Challenge

Published on by Eve CrabappleLeave a comment

I am a huge proponent of Minimalism.

Its a lifestyle that I have been incorporating into my life for about a year now. It has helped me to find clarity, savor quality, experience more meaningfully and of course save money. I love the feeling of having a clean and clutter-free home, mind, and sense of style. Despite my daily practice of Minimalism, I would not call myself a “Minimalist” — I definitely have things! But, I’m happy with the balance I’ve struck between keeping what I need and letting myself have what I want.

Lately, however, I have found stuff starting to build up in different places like my kitchen pantry, my closet, my bathroom cabinets and my car and therefore my life and my mind. To get me back to where I want to be I will be clearing out, giving away, throwing away, donating, and selling my excess things.

My goal is to complete my whole house by the end of the year. I don’t want a single thing left that I don’t need, value or love in my home. This way I will end this year and start 2017 on an invigorated and accomplished note and with some cash that I can use to start a project that I have in mind.

I’m so excited — and only a little scared — to see what these next few months will bring! My mind is already spinning with all of the stuff that I’ll have to post on eBay or otherwise give away and I’ll be posting as I plod along this process.

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Your Life is Your Masterpiece

Published on by Eve CrabappleLeave a comment

There’s the simple fact of life that everyone will die one day. No matter what divergences exist that separate our lives from one another, everyone of us will end the same way. However, its no use being glum about it — we might as well have a nice time and make something of ourselves until it happens to us.

That’s what I wanted to write about today — about the middle part between birth and death and the attention to detail that make it mean something.

Some people think that there’s no point in doing anything at all or no meaning in what we do because it will all be for nothing in the end. Our flesh and bones will have turned to dust, our belongings will belong to us no more and our memories and experiences will have gone from us and the world.

I disagree with the last part.

Every life matters and will have mattered when it ends. We do take something with us when we leave this world. We take with us to the grave our deeds.

Your life is the only thing you have and the details that you tend to make up that life. We all need to be mindful of where we place our thoughts and importance on things both big and small because no man is an island. What each of us does with our lives has a rippling effect and has influence far beyond what we will ever know.

You need to know what is important to you and find ways to live that out everyday. If you don’t know, its inevitable that you will allow others to make that choice for you and you will not have lived the life you could have lived and made the impact that you could have made. There is nothing more tragic than a wasted life.

Find your direction, find your conviction. Your life is your masterpiece that will endure long after you.

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Book Review: The Golem and the Jinni

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I just finished reading this book over the weekend and I’d like to give you my thoughts on it.

Its different from most books I read in that I don’t tend to gravitate towards historical fiction but the title grabbed me from the shelf. I absolutely love reading about jinn and listening to jinn stories. For those of you who don’t know, a jinn is a creature of smokeless fire that lives, reproduces and dies like humans do and inhabit the earth along with us. There is an entire chapter dedicated to them in the Qur’an and along with humans and angels, they are beings that are intelligent and able to judge right from wrong. The word “genie” comes from the word jinn and although they don’t go around granting wishes, they can change into just about any form they wish and travel great distances in a short amount of time. I can go on and on about jinn, but if you’re interested there is a youtube series called “Jinn and the Unseen World” which I highly recommend.

As for the book itself, it was an easy and entertaining read. The main plot follows two different supernatural creatures, a golem and a jinni, and their lives in 19th century New York as the past events that led them to being in New York come back to destroy them. There’s an evil wizard, Kabbalistic magic, tragedy, death and romance all mixed in the story that is set between flashbacks to hundred of years in the past. A past that the reader learns bit by bit as the story develops which is necessary to the climactic finale between jinni, golem and wizard.

It was interesting to find out what a golem was and to read a story where the characters are all basically Jewish, Christian or Muslim. It was especially interesting that the author chose the main characters to be from Jewish and Muslim traditions and I can’t speak for the golem, but her descriptions of the jinn were perfect. Although its impossible to know exactly the logistics of how a jinn exists in this world — all we have are hadiths to go off of — I thought the author did a really great job of taking what we know about the jinn and putting in her own twist on their capabilities. For instance, it was clever of her to take the fact that they are made of fire and make the main protagonist, Ahmed, a gifted metal smith.

All in all, I thought this was a fine read. This was Helene Wecker’s first novel which is pretty hard to believe since the story is so intricate and thoughtfully constructed. If you’re looking for a read that has a little bit of fantasy, history and drama this is going to be perfect for you.

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How to Live Luxuriously (Millions Not Required)

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I love luxury! There are few experiences I love more than walking by all of the boutiques downtown and staying in beautiful hotels with amazing hotel staff. I can’t start my day without my ritual of choosing which handbag to accompany me for the day.

Some people may call me vain, shallow or materialistic or whatever word they have for people that are like me, but I really couldn’t care less. I actually used to feel the same way. I used to have certain opinions about “those people”. It wasn’t because I thought they were bad people, it all came from unsolved issues that I had inside of me. The truth was that I was jealous because they had something I wanted that I believed that I couldn’t have.

I believe it’s important for people to learn how to find and bring luxury into their lives. I believe that once you learn to tap into your desires, learn to turn your work into play and live your passions out, the money will simply follow.

But before any of this can happen, you must first learn to think like a luxurious person which has little to do with what your situation is with the bank. I’m want to share with you how to claim your luxurious life because I know deep down that you want to enjoy the finer things in life — and there is nothing wrong with that! So here are three ground rules before you can obtain the luxurious lifestyle you desire:

1. Appreciate the luxuries you have now

Be thankful for what you have. If you are reading these words that means you have a computer or a phone — which is a luxury many people cannot afford. There is luxury all around you: nature, a significant other, your health and a strong and capable mind that can make life what you want it to be. Wake up and notice it.

2. Believe that luxury is attainable

While it’s probably tempting to wait to live a luxurious lifestyle until you become a millionaire, that’s probably not going to happen tomorrow and waiting is a waste of time, so what is there to do?

You need to redefine luxury to make it attainable right now. If your only definition of luxury is a Bentley and a Birkin — you’re living a lie and setting yourself up for a long time of waiting and disappointment.

Instead, broaden your idea luxury to include quality experiences, relationships, and things. Your life becomes what you tolerate, so once you decide that you deserve more for yourself you will seek out what elevates you and delete what brings you down.

3. Luxury is quality — not the quantity on the price tag

Every Friday night I look forward to watching a movie with my husband all cuddled up on the sofa, every morning I can’t wait to enjoy my cup of coffee in the brisk, cold air. These are luxuries. In fact, these are luxuries that you can’t buy. Money can’t buy a loving relationship or the ability to find and appreciate the beauty and love in your life.

Now that we’ve established those rules of luxury, here are a few things I did to attract more luxury in my life:

  • Dropped complaining whiners like a hot potato. People who always talk about how broke they are a complete luxury deterrent.
  • Found and hung out with people I want to be like. Learn from those who are living the way you want to be and learn to think like them.
  • Discovered what’s important to me. I drove a junk car to put my money into what I really loved — traveling with my family. I did not mind driving that car around but I still cherish those times I spent with my family.
  • Removed and continue to remove low-quality experiences, things, and people from my life. I don’t spend money on crap that I won’t appreciate for long and I don’t tolerate people that bring needless drama into their lives and mine.
  • Dressed and carried myself like a woman of luxury. Everyday that I left my home I felt great about myself and was open to receiving more luxury in my life.
  • Pushed out limiting thoughts about myself. Whenever some thought bubbled up about how I didn’t deserve some thing or that I would never get to where I wanted, I pushed it away. It’s useless nonsense that doesn’t help me or define my future.
  • Slowed down and enjoyed my life instead of rushing through things on a to-do list like a mindless, lifeless drone.
  • Believed I deserved a luxurious life. I stopped feeling guilty for loving the things I did. You are not doing anyone any favors by denying yourself. Some of the most loving, happy and generous people I know live well.
  • Became a valuable person. Instead of being someone who took more than they gave, I found ways to become a valuable contributor to my work and my family. Once you make a habit of paying it forward, you’ll find that your life opens up to more satisfying experiences and people.

As you can see, luxury is yours to define and yours to claim! Think about how you can live a luxurious life and leave a comment below.

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